It’s weird because you didn’t even give him your number…he just got it somehow. “But whatever,” you think, “he’s just being friendly”. After all, he is someone who could help me with my career/give me life advice/ child raising advice (whatever the scenario is).
Some time goes by and the messages increase. Also he’s calling you. Also he’s really just showering you with attention and flattery which, despite what you know is right, is hard to resist because no one has really paid attention to you since your fucking shithouse of an ex left you down, out, flat, and broke 9 months ago (Oh wait, that’s just me).
BUT THEN IT JUST HITS YOU: “hey this dude is MARRIED. There’s a woman on the other side of this equation who is being lied to. FUCK THIS DUDE. ” and just like that, you whip out the massive “Pussy Power” flag that you keep neatly folder under your mattress and you cut off all contact with this asshole because when it comes down to it, you stick with women and dudes who fuck with women are just not cool with you.
But juuuust in case you haven’t gotten to that last point yet, I want to lay out a few things that married men might say to you and explain why they’re all total bullshit. And then to wrap it all up I’m going to explain all of your justifications for continuing any sort of a relationship with a married man and explain why THOSE are all bullshit. And then, if you are still continuing your little flirtation (or affair) with a married man…well…don’t come crying to me when you get burned. Because I’ll just direct you to this post. So here goes:
Things Married Dudes Will Say
1. “You are so cool/hot/awesome”
Yeah dude I know. I’m a twenty-something year old chick with my life ahead of me. It’s really easy to be awesome, cool, and hot in that scenario. You know who else was probably really hot, cool, and awesome when she was in her 20s? Your fucking wife. Before you drained the life out of her.
2. “I could tell we had a connection as soon as we met”
That’s not a connection duder, that’s physical attraction. And it wasn’t completely mutual.
3. “My wife and I don’t have sex anymore”
uuhh there are a few variations of this… There’s also “my wife has given up on herself”, “we’ve lost our connection” blahblahblah. Here’s the thing: If his marriage sucks, he should get a fucking divorce. Don’t drag someone else into it. The way I think about it is this: It’s basic math. If two things suck together, pulling a third thing into the mix isn’t going to magically cure it. Ok, that’s not really math. But you get the point.
4. “If I was 10 years younger” or “If I had just met you first”
Yeah asshole, but here’s the thing: You didn’t meet me first. You met your wife first. That’s how life works so respect her. Furthermore, if you did meet me first you wouldn’t have a fucking chance because I have like a sixth sense for cheating liars. And I’m way out of your league.
5. “I won’t sleep with you”
To explain this one: There’s a certain type of person who thinks that they can basically do anything and everything but have physical contact and it’s fine because it’s somehow not cheating. If this is like, some agreed upon thing between him and his wife within their super-liberal progressive marriage then whatever…great…but I’m talking about the dude who is secretly sexting chicks and going to strip clubs while his wife is at work and justifying it all with “well I haven’t had sex with anyone else”. If you’re on the other side of this, it’s easy to be like “he’s right…we’re not having sex…its just an innocent flirtation”. But don’t be an emotional idiot. You know that emotional affairs ruin trust and destroy relationships. It’s extremely likely that his wife would be devastated if she knew what was going on, and if he feels like he needs to keep it a secret from her it’s fairly likely that he feels that way too.
6. “You’re the only thing that’s important to me”
I mean, really, if it gets to this point then he should leave his wife and stop causing massive destruction to the people around him, including you. Right? Because that’s the decent thing to do (Just a warning: he probably won’t…because he’s not a decent person).
There are a ton of other things he will say, by the way. And most of them are him justifying what he is doing to himself. He will justify this to his grave. Especially if you call him out on what he is doing (trust me…it’s funny).
Here are some things you might say to justify this to yourself (because aren’t we just masters of justifying the shit out of things we want to do):
I don’t care about his wife. I’m single.
Well then seriously, fuck you. You don’t exist in a vacuum and at some point you’re going to have to wake up to the fact that your actions affect the people around you and when you knowledgeably do things that hurt other people it makes you a shitty person.
Also if he has kids, you’re causing generations of destruction. Having parents who cheat on each other fucks kids up and makes them less likely to trust other people as adults. Granted, this dude might just cheat on his wife anyway (and he probably will), but you really don’t want the destruction of some poor kid’s home life on your hands.
I’m really busy so it’s nice to have a boyfriend with minimal commitment
OK I get that…so date a musician or something. Trust me, there are so many dudes who would love to date you with minimal commitment. Stop being selfish. See above.
But I love him.
Yeah that is really hard and this is going to sound harsh but: he’s not yours. He made a commitment to someone else.
On a gentler note: you deserve more than some dude who refuses to make you a priority. There is someone out there who will devote themselves to you, and you only, and that’s what you deserve. Not some asshole who wants to fuck you on the sly and then go home to his family while you cry alone in your bedroom.The longer you stay with this guy, the more you close yourself off to meeting someone who you can actually have a future with.
People ruin lives by getting involved with married men. You ruin marriages, you ruin children’s lives, and you can even ruin your own life. You don’t want to be that person who is like 60 and suddenly realizes you devoted your entire life to someone who didn’t prioritize you. My point is, it’s not just innocent fun.
My other point is, liars suck.